11/10/03
Some time has passed with the adjustment of arrival in New Mexico. Set up temporary digs in a makeshift chamber in Alvin’s warehouse, he runs an audio video place here in Albuquerque.
Then, as I was running out of money, he got me a gig shooting video, EPK/behind the scenes on a feature here in town, Formola, which finally concluded early this month.
The director’s an OK guy, but I hear his father paid for his movie: 200 Grand! Reminds me of my NYU film school days, when kids were regularly “raising” $40,000 to shoot their senior thesis projects (primary investors being their parents).
In any case, I learned that I might have come to New Mexico at the right time, and completely by chance, because recent legislation has been enacted to provide huge financial incentives for films shooting in New Mexico.
It's possible I can tap into their interest free loans, like a lot of Hollywood productions which are chomping at the bit to come here and shoot.
Now, settling and reflecting. A little burnt out. I can better recall the journey out here, beyond Ohio. I shared the ride out here (from Pittsburg) with an incredibly annoying woman who was headed to Taos, I found her on Craig’s List.
12/16/03
Will try to encapsulate. Have been distracted by moving, finding a place to live: survival mode AGAIN. Fuck it. Hey, I know, I chose this, this life, this occupation (although I’ve tried again and again to change, but it keeps pulling me back). I am full of frustration verging on rage though, at times, which I’ve had to vent via lifting weights, running, taking Thai classes at the Wat.
All the machines slowing down, breaking down. All the bums, all the doubtful people, angry people…people sad at the bus stops, sad at the burrito stands, sad on the wide and lonely streets of Albuquerque.
In short, at a low ebb now, very doubtful, restless due to lack of work (though hours each day spent looking, faxing, emailing resumes, etc.) I really don’t care what anyone says, these past three years, even since slightly before 9/11, have been a depression in the USA--owing largely to
the former cheerleader, GW Bush, in the White House. I’ve never been really political, but somehow, in the past couple months, I’ve grown a lot more so.
Am truly tired of The American Way, or at least the folks running this country now, and it’s hard to tune it all out. Guess that’s why it’s so refreshing to go to the Buddhist temple here in town to study Thai…I’m the only Farang in a class of Thai kids, taught by a genuine Thai ladyboy.
Anyway: have not been working much for over a month as film connections and momentum dried up. Contrary to what I thought, I was not brought on to shoot EPK behind the scenes on Around the Bend as I thought I might be…Warner Bros. brought in their own EPK team.
Thoughts constantly returning to Greece, my old pal and sweetheart there, Joanna, hope she’s OK. Have decided that I would buy a ticket to Greece, sell off everything I own and go there, if/when I cannot make this picture.
Met with Walton in Santa Fe. He likes the script. He says he could almost come on board but he has to wait for a Shirley McClain movie to come through.
Also: had the first script reading at the Applaud Agency, office of my new agent, Denny Garberella (who generously and graciously is helping out anyway he can). Denny is a real solid guy, wears cowboy boots and smokes cigars, says, “Rosezzi, you little wop!” (even though I’m not Italian) every time we meet.
It went very well and it was great to hear the words aloud at last, especially as it helped me cut and edit the script, make it more compelling, less flaccid.
Then: sent the final tweaked and super-polished version to Mr. Dafoe’s assistant back in New York, with the hopes that great actor will revisit the script as he mentioned he would.
This movie’s waited long enough anyway. I went to Berlin last November (damn it’s been over a year…) with my 9/11 disaster money, looking for co-production folks, made contact with Road Movies, went to X Film group, went to Marlene Dietrich’s Babelsberg Studios--all this on my own dime--and spoke with co-production folks in the hopes we could shoot in Germany, to be eligible for co-production money.
Spoke with Ralph from Fanes Film Group, and just about every player in Germany, and saw that it would be highly unlikely to pull off a coproduction.
Not long after my return, I heard from Road Movies that Das Werk went under (Road Movies’ parent company) and I knew for sure my chances were gone in that regard.
IFP calls their magazine a “rant”. If they only knew…But I do not blame, cannot cast blame, do not shuffle off responsibility. I am accountable for my whole path thus far—although I’m plagued by these visions, stories that need to jissom out, burstingly. This has at times led me to make rash and uncalculated decisions with limited capital.
Thus, [documentary filmmaker] Michel Blackbridge, who I actually felt misdirected anger towards at one point, has truly been a great friend and mentor and advisor. He was instrumental in getting BookWars made and exposed. Everything would be different without him, regarding that movie at least.
(The reason I’d felt anger towards him: I felt somehow that he should have told me in advance that documentaries don’t make money, that I’d be spending a lot of time and effort—a lot of my YOUTH--on something that might not provide any real financial payback. I was angry that he had not told me that it would cost a lot of time, effort, and unimaginable doubt and pain to complete. Yet, I probably would have suffered more if I had not made the movie…)
Finally: saw The Station Agent last night and the hot librarian girl, she could be Susan, also possible to get her onboard instead of Robin T?
Some time has passed with the adjustment of arrival in New Mexico. Set up temporary digs in a makeshift chamber in Alvin’s warehouse, he runs an audio video place here in Albuquerque.
Then, as I was running out of money, he got me a gig shooting video, EPK/behind the scenes on a feature here in town, Formola, which finally concluded early this month.
The director’s an OK guy, but I hear his father paid for his movie: 200 Grand! Reminds me of my NYU film school days, when kids were regularly “raising” $40,000 to shoot their senior thesis projects (primary investors being their parents).
In any case, I learned that I might have come to New Mexico at the right time, and completely by chance, because recent legislation has been enacted to provide huge financial incentives for films shooting in New Mexico.
It's possible I can tap into their interest free loans, like a lot of Hollywood productions which are chomping at the bit to come here and shoot.
Now, settling and reflecting. A little burnt out. I can better recall the journey out here, beyond Ohio. I shared the ride out here (from Pittsburg) with an incredibly annoying woman who was headed to Taos, I found her on Craig’s List.
12/16/03
Will try to encapsulate. Have been distracted by moving, finding a place to live: survival mode AGAIN. Fuck it. Hey, I know, I chose this, this life, this occupation (although I’ve tried again and again to change, but it keeps pulling me back). I am full of frustration verging on rage though, at times, which I’ve had to vent via lifting weights, running, taking Thai classes at the Wat.
All the machines slowing down, breaking down. All the bums, all the doubtful people, angry people…people sad at the bus stops, sad at the burrito stands, sad on the wide and lonely streets of Albuquerque.
In short, at a low ebb now, very doubtful, restless due to lack of work (though hours each day spent looking, faxing, emailing resumes, etc.) I really don’t care what anyone says, these past three years, even since slightly before 9/11, have been a depression in the USA--owing largely to
the former cheerleader, GW Bush, in the White House. I’ve never been really political, but somehow, in the past couple months, I’ve grown a lot more so.
Am truly tired of The American Way, or at least the folks running this country now, and it’s hard to tune it all out. Guess that’s why it’s so refreshing to go to the Buddhist temple here in town to study Thai…I’m the only Farang in a class of Thai kids, taught by a genuine Thai ladyboy.
Anyway: have not been working much for over a month as film connections and momentum dried up. Contrary to what I thought, I was not brought on to shoot EPK behind the scenes on Around the Bend as I thought I might be…Warner Bros. brought in their own EPK team.
Thoughts constantly returning to Greece, my old pal and sweetheart there, Joanna, hope she’s OK. Have decided that I would buy a ticket to Greece, sell off everything I own and go there, if/when I cannot make this picture.
Met with Walton in Santa Fe. He likes the script. He says he could almost come on board but he has to wait for a Shirley McClain movie to come through.
Also: had the first script reading at the Applaud Agency, office of my new agent, Denny Garberella (who generously and graciously is helping out anyway he can). Denny is a real solid guy, wears cowboy boots and smokes cigars, says, “Rosezzi, you little wop!” (even though I’m not Italian) every time we meet.
It went very well and it was great to hear the words aloud at last, especially as it helped me cut and edit the script, make it more compelling, less flaccid.
Then: sent the final tweaked and super-polished version to Mr. Dafoe’s assistant back in New York, with the hopes that great actor will revisit the script as he mentioned he would.
This movie’s waited long enough anyway. I went to Berlin last November (damn it’s been over a year…) with my 9/11 disaster money, looking for co-production folks, made contact with Road Movies, went to X Film group, went to Marlene Dietrich’s Babelsberg Studios--all this on my own dime--and spoke with co-production folks in the hopes we could shoot in Germany, to be eligible for co-production money.
Spoke with Ralph from Fanes Film Group, and just about every player in Germany, and saw that it would be highly unlikely to pull off a coproduction.
Not long after my return, I heard from Road Movies that Das Werk went under (Road Movies’ parent company) and I knew for sure my chances were gone in that regard.
IFP calls their magazine a “rant”. If they only knew…But I do not blame, cannot cast blame, do not shuffle off responsibility. I am accountable for my whole path thus far—although I’m plagued by these visions, stories that need to jissom out, burstingly. This has at times led me to make rash and uncalculated decisions with limited capital.
Thus, [documentary filmmaker] Michel Blackbridge, who I actually felt misdirected anger towards at one point, has truly been a great friend and mentor and advisor. He was instrumental in getting BookWars made and exposed. Everything would be different without him, regarding that movie at least.
(The reason I’d felt anger towards him: I felt somehow that he should have told me in advance that documentaries don’t make money, that I’d be spending a lot of time and effort—a lot of my YOUTH--on something that might not provide any real financial payback. I was angry that he had not told me that it would cost a lot of time, effort, and unimaginable doubt and pain to complete. Yet, I probably would have suffered more if I had not made the movie…)
Finally: saw The Station Agent last night and the hot librarian girl, she could be Susan, also possible to get her onboard instead of Robin T?
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